to Love an Ed
by zhane500
Summary: What if Ed wasn't stupid? What if his mental strength came from some external force? lets find out shall we. EddxEd, with mentions of other pairings mixed in. Dark themes and Mature content this is also my first attempt at a multi-chapter fic please read and review but above all else ENJOY!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

**I own absolutely nothing and make no profit from this story and have written it because I wanted to. I don't own a damn thing but the story. So please don't sue me.**

**Warning:**

**This story is AU and Yaoi (B/B, BL, Gay as a bag of glitter from Gaga!) and is rated for a reason. So if you may be disturbed by something like this, please remember that you clicked on this knowing what it was. Remember that, you sick freak…**

**A/N: **

**This story is OOC as fuck, just saying that now before you judge me. Now that you will judge me this story is supposed to be a multi-chapter but if I can't figure out how to separate it on fanfic then this is going to be a long ass one-shot. Now that that's out of the way enjoy.**

**Translation:**

**Pink Team=you like boys Blue Team=you like girls Purple Team=you like both**

**Chapter 1**

ED's POV:

"ATTENTION!"

I got up groggy as always from the usual abrupt way I am awakened for the ten thousand ninetieth morning. After making my bed, I stand tall waiting for my superior to dismiss me; my thoughts drift to how I got here in the first place. Growing up I was always called the same harsh names and thought to be the same way, stupid. My mom thought it, my sister constantly reminded me of it, my friend Eddy always made it clear, frankly the only person who never made it a point to further deteriorate my self image was the smartest guy I've ever known. I mean I really was stupid, and to be honest I agree with them entirely I was truly a blissful idiot. School was a joke, it was just a way to pass the time and hang with my friends not for academics. My mother found this as a perfect excuse to be rid of me and decided it would be best to separate me from everything I'd ever known and send me off to military school so I could gain discipline or some shit. I left at the end of 8th grade in June Eddy laughed it off and Edd wished me happiness and good luck, thinking back to the looks on their faces its clear that they both cried after I was gone. I was too ignorant to have known I should have been sad, to have known I should have cried, to have known anything at that point I was just too stupid. Back then I didn't know why; no one else did except my mother.

Everything happened after my dad died in a car accident, or at least that's what everyone in the cul-de-sac was told. The truth was my father shot his self in the head after reading me a bed time story when I was 5. I was supposed to be in bed but I wanted one more story so I went down the hall to his study, he was sitting in a chair facing the door I started pushing the door open to get his attention and then it happened. He lifted his hand in a quick movement and all I heard was a click and then a boom. My father head was splattered across the wall in long gooey streaks, what was a 5 year old to think? I lost it. I had witnessed death in the worst way imaginable and at the most impressionable age; mom came home and found me catatonic the only thing she knew how to do was take me to a doctor to get medicated. 2 pills before each meal, 3 meals a day, 21 meals a week, 84 meals a month, 1008 meals a year that means 2190 pills a year: all this ads up to 21,900 pills in 10 years. With that amount it's a miracle that I'm still breathing, I should be dead. Instead my wench of a mother let me be doped up and to further fool the neighbors she lets them think my stupidity was unexplainable, she cried a lot and felt guilty. Every time she looked at me she was instantly near tears. After a while, making me live in the basement and letting me stay out where ever I wanted wasn't enough to keep the guilt at bay. So, she sent me to military school. Away from her so she didn't have to feel any guilt about what she was doing to me. I hated her sometimes and wondered how I could love and loath a person so intensely.

A smile tugged at my face as thought about how she'd look when she realized I stopped taking my meds 2 years ago. It was funny how I got off my meds, I just stopped taking them and I started getting smarter, I could focus, and for the first time ever everything made sense. It was the pills all along and I only realized that after I got off of them. Now my roommate sells them and gives me all the money so long as I gave him pills for free and don't tell the General. I'm fine with it as long as I can go home.

"ATENTION! CORPORAL EDWARD SMALL!"

I turned to him and salute while showing my acknowledgement, "SIR"

"At ease and Congratulations Corporal" General Thomas as he put his hand on my shoulder and smiled, "It's been an honor to see you become a man."

"Thank you, General. I will miss you as well."

I gave him my final salute as he leaves my room; smiling at his back wondering if my dad had still been around would he have been as kind to me as the General. Maybe I would have been like this all my life, maybe I could have made him proud. I knew it was impossible but I liked to dream. Today I'm going home for the first time in 3 years. It is now June of my senior year and I'm going to graduate from Peach Creek High next spring. Things are looking up for me now.

EDD's POV

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! Leave it to me and my luck to lose my gift minutes before the celebration of my friends return. Ed was finally coming home, things have changed but I know this little circle of the world will always be home to us. Even if Eddy had found his one true scam, even if Kevin was less of an asshole, even if Naz was less pretty and more annoying, even if Jimmy was now a gorgeous lady killer/man eater, even if Jonny is a pot head (still has plank), even if Rolf turned out how we all figured he would, and even if the Kankers where still Kankers; I had hoped to Ed this place would still be home. A ha! I found his gift in my reminiscing it was a simple silver necklace with a knife shaped charm. I just hoped Ed still had the 'taste' as he used too. I study my reflection a bit before heading out; I do like knowing if my attire is appropriate for the upcoming event. My eyes roam to my legs first, admiring their supple thickness from all the years of running from bullies. Next was my butt that was round without jutting from my lower body, I like it in a way; wearing lime green skinny jeans was a good idea for today. Moving up further I see my smooth flat stomach and chest clad in light yellow button down and a green diamond patterned sweater vest to match all toped out with a lime green tie; I was dressed impeccably as usual. Roaming down my arms I see my arms covered with yellow sleeves, small slim arms and delicate fingers and perfect unchipped nails that I groom with the presition of Picasso. Lastly I look up at my face my cheeks were rounded slightly, my nose was straight and is often called cute, my eyes a deep indigo that even I can never explain and framed with long lashes, my raven colored hair that shined in any light was nicely concealed under my black and white beanie I've had forever, and lastly my favorite feature of all. My lips, with their rose petal color and subtle fullness; even the way they curved upward making my agitating gap almost look cute. I was very attractive if I say so myself giving my attire another once over I think maybe I'm a tad overdressed. I never do this under any circumstances but it was for Ed, I untuck my shirt and roll up my sleeves, looking again still perfect.

Grabbing Ed's gift I rushed over into his house and mingle with the other guest before Ed gets here. The Kankers made their way over so Marie can verbally rape me.

"Double D, you look good in green. Nice ass." She says as she gives it a squeeze, dirty.

"Marie please, for the final time, refrain from touching me I'd rather not have your boyfriend try physically harm me again due to your ministrations." I say calmly steeping back from her.

"No need to act so gay all the time, unless you want to give Jimmy a try." She laughed with her sisters at my expense.

"I fail to see what my sexuality has to do with you Marie. We had our chance and you ruined it all, not me. You. So how about you take some personal responsibility and leave me the hell alone." I don't curse but Marie was just so infuriating, I couldn't help the habit around her.

"WHAT!" she was red faced and I knew she was about to really start a scene, "You saying' I made you into a fucking fairy!? Who do you think you are talking shit about me? What gives you the right, HUH? What makes you so fucking special!?"

"I could ask you the exact same question." She was silent and awe stricken, deep down I knew why she was angry. I just didn't care anymore. Especially after she spray painted 'FAGGIT' on my house, the least she could have done was spell the insult properly. "Tell me Marie, what makes you so special?"

Before she had a chance to respond Sarah announced that Ed was arriving so we all hid and Sarah turned off the light. We all waited and my heart was thundering in my chest. I'm so happy, nervous, excited, nauseous, blissful, and a mix of so many things that all came to me because of him. Granted Ed always had this affect on me, Eddy always joked that I was too motherly but I never listened. I just hope he is still our sticky, lovable, unhygienic Ed,(I hope a bit less on that last one) even if he's grown up and became a better man I still want him to be the same friend I had, I still want him to be my Ed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

EDD's POV

I heard only soft voices and the sound of my own pounding heart as I sat hidden behind an old Lay-Z-Boy waiting in agony for the cue to bring me from hiding. My prayers where answered as the lights came on and I jumped up exclaiming with everyone.

"WELCOME BACK ED!" tears blocked my vision but I could still hear him stammer.

"Gosh, I wasn't expecting this, thanks guys."

I took a moment to regain my clouded vision only to realize the party had moved to the back yard. I know Ed's voice anywhere, it was deeper now but it was still him maybe he's changed less than I thought he did. I went to follow the rest of the party goers unto the back patio to see just how much my Ed err…my friend had changed.

Joining the rest of the cul-de-sac in the back yard I could already see the back of Eddy's head as he got the person next to him into a head lock. Oh dear, that person looks bigger than Eddy by a lot. Eddy only being a couple inches taller than me but twice as stout made him intimidating but the flashy way he dressed made him look like a rich kid with an attitude problem. Since he had taken up to drug dealing he had gotten more cocky and arrogant, due to the fact that he supplied jocks with their 'fix' they supplied him with protection, the fact that he and I only hang out when his grades drop and he is in desperate need of help otherwise his behemoth of a father would kill him. None of that was important however as the guy in the head lock broke out of Eddy's grasp and laughed. I know that laugh. It was dopey, goofy, and somehow managed to sound unbalanced. Good Lord that was Ed!

With this new revelation I began to analyze every detail I could ascertain from behind him as I made my way over. Ed's hair stuck out to me at first it had gone from orange to crimson red and it was styled in a crew cut style that suited him. Next was the pillar of muscle that Ed probably called a neck, it was strong and connected smoothly to his trapezious muscles flowing into his broad shoulders then down his arms and the plan of his back. Even with his loose t-shirt I could tell Ed was built like a wall, and just as tall. Ed has always been tall but at the moment it had seemed Ed was over 6 foot and probably taller than Rolf's impressive 6'2'', which only rouse the question of what did they feed him at that academy to get him so bulky? Upon reaching my destination, of standing behind my oldest friends, I tapped Ed's shoulder to get his attention. Not expecting him to twist my arm behind me faster than I could spell Einstein.

"GOOD LORD! Uncle! Uncle!" I pleaded from the pain of my arm protesting in its current position. He let me go and pated my shoulder, gently. I turned to him then.

"I'm sorry Double D, are you alright?" Ed asked in a shockingly even voice. His new baritone will take time to get used too, but I think I'll live.

"YO SOCKHEAD! You all there?" Eddy's bark snapped me from my trance. "He blinked so everything's fine Ed, I'll leave you two to catch up. See ya!"

"Yes, yes I'm fine. Thank you for your concern Eddy." I said sarcastically to him as he walked off to peddle his goods. I turned to Ed who was still looking a bit worried. "I really am ok Ed, so there's no need to worry yourself about me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Ed. You must have been very well trained at that academy. What did they do to you?"

With that Ed started his tale of his classes and his new friends and everything that happened while he was gone. I was only half listening half watching. It was expected that his body was massive but he had still changed in other ways that I didn't expect. For example the way his freckle covered cheeks sank inward extenuating his high cheek bones and smooth jaw line. The way his nose was straight and solid; masculine. The way his lips curved when he spoke as well as how they puckered when he was thinking really hard, he was so cute. The way his hair hard gone from orange to red and his skin wasn't pale like Sarah's bit instead a nice tanned completion covered in tiny brown spots, like a leopard. My favorite new change is going to have to be his eyes. The way his eyebrows didn't touch anymore, instead they framed his eyes and made their jade color pop. It was hypnotizing in a way, I'd never seen such a vibrant shade of green in my entire life. How did I not notice his eye color before? I only remember them being black. That can't be right, if I'm not mistaken the academy didn't allow vanity items and the possibility that Ed would figure out contacts just seemed far fetched. I'll just ask it sounds like he's almost done anyway.

"Ed, I have a question."

"What's up Double D?"

"Do you wear contacts?" At his confusion, I continued my inquiry. "I only ask because I don't remember them being green when we were younger. Even so, right now they are green."

A look crossed his face for a moment that looked more suited to his rough exterior before going back to his former goofy grin. Now, that was odd.

"You probably never looked, Double D. Back then you were all about rules and order, so naturally you didn't pay attention to me."

He was most likely right but something still felt off about his change in demeanor, even if only for a second. Before I could pursue the matter Sarah yelled its time for presents and Ed went over happily to open the gifts. I drifted with the crowd to watch his reactions. First he opened a blue box that was rather large Ed found a 3ft scale model of Godzilla fighting King Kong, Ed's face made the same expression as earlier before he grinned big and wide saying his thanks. The look only lasted a split second and to the normal eye it was unnoticeable. That look crossed his face more and more as he opened gifts filled with monster figures, horror comics, and DVDs; it was like he was trying to find something before speaking. The last gift he held up was an onyx blade and silver hilt hanging on a matching silver chain. Seeing it being held up so everyone could see how much it really sparkled, I still looked at his face waiting for it to change but it didn't. The smile that crossed his face was different from earlier, it was more genuine. As Ed put on the necklace I'd gotten him and everyone cheered I couldn't help but notice that Ed was different now, he has changed. Just what happened at that academy that he didn't tell me?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

EDD's POV

I had begun to conduct a field study on Ed's behavioral patterns to find what I missed from our first encounter a week ago. The first thing I found out was he wakes up a 4 am everyday but he stays in his room until 5. At that time he leaves out of his basement window and heads to Rolf's house where he remains for half an hour. Upon leaving Ed goes running for an hour before returning back to his basement. He does this same regiment in the evenings before bed. When returning from his evening jog Ed stops by Eddy's house but they only talk and exchange packages at the door. Eddy hands over what appears to be money and Ed gives Eddy something in a zip-lock bag. After Ed and Eddy's exchange, Ed heads home to sleep. This has been Ed's daily schedule since his return, the training thing I will attribute to his years at Rosewood Academy. What I find odd is the fact that Eddy usually sells, not buys, I wonder what Ed is gives him. I'll continue my investigation to make sure my findings are accurate before bringing my enquiry to Eddy.

ED's POV

_BEEP BEEP BEEP_

I open my eyes and listen to one more beep before shutting it off. Time for my morning medley: Push ups, Sit ups, crunches, and lunges. I guess 1,000 of everything before combat training should be fine, I've slacked yesterday and only did 800s. Breezing through my warm up I get dressed and head to Rolf's place for combat. I was pretty shocked to find out Rolf went to Rosewood and graduated with honors on a high school level at the age of 7. General Thomas asked him to help me train when Rolf came to visit because of my bad habit of putting my sparring partners in the hospital (which reminds me I have to send that one guy flowers soon). We've been sparring partners for about a year and a half now. Rolf is the only person in the cul-de-sac who knows I'm off my meds. Hell, he's the only one who knows I was on meds to begin with (not the cause just, that I had pills). Rolf leaves his door unlocked so I just walk in and wait, Rolf likes sneak attacks. I do too to be honest so I let Rolf have his run as I walk around his dark house waiting for him to strike. I heard something approach my left side, so I caught it just before it connected to my temple.

"Impressive reflexes, Ed-boy, but that alone will not continue to save you." I dropped the plate he threw at me as he launches in my direction, "Prepare for your defeat by the hands of a Son of a Sheppard!"

I catch him by the neck and give him a knee before he rolls out kicks me in the face thus sparking our glorious hitting match that we both look forward to. Any other people would have broken each other's noses, but for two monsters that live for a good fight? This ain't shit. A smile tugs onto my face as I face off against my long time sparing partner, Rolf was my enemy and my friend. Trying to turn each others bones into gravel was how we bonded. Even when I was still taking my meds fighting was something I took to like a hooker takes to heroin; once I got a little I wanted a more. I was an Addict and Rolf was more than happy to help me get my fix. Granted he was a junky too so our relationship was a whole lot of give and take. With both ends happy to give.

"The end of our time is fast approaching, Ed-boy." Rolf states with glee between hits, before he growls the next statement. "Let's finish this."

"Yea, let's get this over with Rolf."

We charge at each other again for the final time today. Rolf comes in on my lower right with a tackle. I allow him to grapple me to make it easier for my finale. I use all my strength to grab him around the ribs before I lift him up and slam him into his coffee table. Clearly the fight is over, if the way Rolf has rolled on his side was any indication, so I flop down next to him.

"You alright, Rolf?" He sits up a laughs, as he always does after one of us win.

"No need to worry, Ed-boy, Rolf is the Son of a Sheppard. Nothing can hurt me except Nana." Rolf says as he calms down, "Tell me Ed-boy, when you will inform your mother of what you've been doing? Or more accurately what you haven't."

"Today is as good as any."

"Good luck my friend." Rolf said with a smile before I got up and to leave, "Same time tomorrow, Ed-boy?"

"You can count on it."

I make my exit and head out for my run so I can cool off before I go home. I really don't need the run after but it gives me time to clear my head and I get the time to actually think as I watch the quiet town start to wake up. The candy shop opens up and the old man's son waves as he has done all week, my guess is the old man is dead and his son runs it full time now. Then the café, they built while I wasn't home, opens up and I take a deep breath just to smell the grounds as they are processed into brown cocaine to the teens of Peach Creek. I like the smell of coffee but hate the taste, I think Double D likes it though. I've seen him in the café a time or two drinking while on his laptop in the afternoon. He seems so content and not as lonely as he was when we were kids, it's nice. Then there's Eddy, the man is a monster and a saint all at the same time now. He sells my pills now, right I'll stop by later to tell him he can't sell them anymore that is only if mom doesn't kill me first. Its 6:17, yea it's about time to head back.

I get down the old cul-de-sac and slip back into my window as usual but I don't think I'm alone, the click I hear plus the flash clarifies my odd feeling. I turn to see a very triumphant looking Sarah with her phone out clearly getting new blackmail material.

"OH Ed just wait 'til I tell mom that you snuck out all night! She'll be furious!" Her grin was so devious and greedy, Satan was probably jealous. "So Ed tell me what you were doing last night, hmm?"

"I didn't stay out last night, Sarah. I was just visiting the candy shop to ask what happened to the old man." I lie smoothly in my dopey voice that had fooled everyone up until now.

"Liar! I came down here after dinner and you weren't here and I come back to find you and you're no where to be found. Explain that blockhead before I get mad!" I almost laugh at how she thinks I'm scared of her. A 5'3"; 98 pound, 15 year old girl thinks a 6'4"; 290 pound 17 year old is afraid of her. That's definitely a laugh, "ED! DON'T ACT LIKE I'M NOT HERE!"

Shit, I did forget she was here, I was going to tell them today anyway. "Fine, the truth is I go on runs through the city to cool done after I train. You didn't see me last night because I usually leave after mom goes to bed."

"You sound different, Blockhead." Well no shit you fucking brat, "What have you really been doing? Taking speech lessons from Double Dweeb, to sound smart?"

"Ugh, I stopped taking my meds about two years ago, my intelligence improved on its own because I could actually pay attention in class and retain information on gra-"

"What do you mean stopped your meds? Have you told mom? When were you going to tell her?" Sarah interrupted as expected of her foul personality.

"I was going to tell her to-"

"I'm telling mom! MOO-"I grabbed her and force her mouth closed, she struggled violently but I ignored her and spoke.

"Enough of this you little shit. It's about time you shut up and listen so pay attention and this will go easily." She continued to struggle and she bit me, I let her. I watched as her eyes went from triumph to confusion when I didn't flinch as blood began to run down my knuckles. From confusion to horror in finally realizing she didn't have the upper hand anymore. She removed her teeth and I spoke again, "First, I am your OLDER brother which means no matter what happens you show me some respect. Second, telling mom about what I have been doing is none of your concern, so keep your mouth shut or I'll do so for you. And lastly, my name is ED so call me that or nothing else because I won't answer to any of your fucked-up nick-names anymore, understands?" I remove my hand and she answers

"Y-yes Ed I understand. I'm sorry." Her voice was nearly inaudible and shaky, it was clear that she was scared of me now. Good. I set her down and she looks at me like I'm the monster from under her bed. I nearly laugh.

"Good, go back to bed and don't breathe a word of this to mom."

Sarah runs up the steps and I actually do laugh at her as I begin to strip for a well needed shower. As my clothes hit the floor my mind drifts to how the hell I'm going to tell mom. Whenever I thought about it at the academy things always went one of two ways: she gets pissed and we get in a yelling match or she doesn't say anything to me at all and give me the Do-you-want-to-revise-that-statement look and again yelling match. Both choices sound like a head ache, reminding me of how sore my muscles are after my morning. I gladly step into the warm spray and wash up before my impending doom. It takes about fifteen minutes for the water to chill prompting my exit into the cold air of my half bathroom. I caught my reflection and look away, my face is kinda scary, it was funny how Sarah looked just like mom but I was a mix of Mom and Dad's features to make a Frankenstein face that inspired fear. I didn't bother bringing clothes in with me so I head out clad in only a towel, who cares it is my room. The second I'm out I hear Sarah's future ass beating yelling at me.

"Sarah told me that you stopped taking your medication and threatened her. She ALSO told me that you have been sneaking out. You better have a good excuse for this young man." Mom looks like a swollen blonde version of Sarah but a little taller. She had a temper but would at least give you time to explain. "I'm waiting Edward."

"Can I get dressed first?"

"NO! We are discussing this now!" she spat turning red. I saw Sarah sitting on the stairs smiling; I shoot her a glare before returning to this 'discussion'.

"Yes Ma'am. I wasn't threatening Sarah; I was explaining to her that I don't need her help telling you about my meds in an attempt to handle this peacefully. I suppose I was wrong to think she was mature enough to accept that I don't need her." Mom's glare sends Sarah running before she returns her attention to my explanation. "I do sneak out every morning before you wake up and every night after you go to bed to do the training regimen that I was conditioned to do every day back at Rosewood. I haven't been able to kick the habit and I also don't really want to."

"I understand your want of privacy and will deal with you sister. As for this training of yours, start using the front door from now on so I know when you leave and get back. So how about you explain this not taking your medication to me."

"Yeah… well, I stopped taking those freshman year because General Thomas says 'A man gets things done with his own strength, no substance can substitute hard work and effort'. I wanted to be like him so I didn't take pills because he didn't." she looks angry now.

"That man doesn't have anything to do with your mental health Edward! You need those pills to be stable!" I know this bitch did not just say that.

_DING! Yelling match Round one: BEGIN! _

"I've been more stable in the past 3 years than I have been my whole life and you know it! Open your eyes! It's clear to everyone I'm better now why are you denying that!?"

"I am your mother and will not explain myself to a child! You will take you medicine!"

"I don't need it!"

"You don't know what you need! And we are not having this discussion! YOU WILL TAKE YOU PILLS!"

"No I won't." She slaps me.

_DING! Round 2: FIGHT!_

"You don't talk to your mother that way. Your father would never let you speak to me that way." I just look down at her for a moment before moving away to get dressed. "What do you think you're doing young man? Don't ignore me! Your Father would have never let you act like this!" I look at her again as I zip up my pants and slip on a shirt, next up is shoes. "Where did I go wrong with you?" I finally come back fully dressed to respond.

"You let a doctor tell you what's wrong with your son instead of just being there for him after witnessing the suicide of his father." Her face softened then, back into the guilt that it was so accustomed to when ever I brought up my Dad."Yes I remember everything that happened back then. On the pills, off the pills I remember him putting the gun to his chin and blowing his brains out. I remember his brains spraying the wall behind his chair into red ropes on the tan wall. I remember the sound of the gun blast that for years made me want to vomit when ever I heard that infernal sound. Most of all though I remember his face, I remember because he was smiling. HE WAS FUCKING SMILIING! But instead of explaining to a 5 year old what suicide was, you chose to get me medicated. That's where you went wrong Mother; you let a bottle of white pills raise your son."

_SHE-BITCH IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT! ED WINS BY KNOCK OUT! _

She drops to the floor as her tears begin to flow "Edward… I… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I know that already. I've known for a long time."

I walk past her pathetic form and go up stairs to grab something to eat before I leave.

"So Ed how long are you grounded?" Sarah in all her agitating glory, I really don't have the patience for this shit.

"Didn't I tell you to mind your business?"

"Since when do I listen to idiots like you, Blockhead? Rosewood may have made you smarter but you still an idiot deep down insi-", I slap her and she hits the floor. She instantly starts wailing but I know mom isn't coming.

"SHUT UP!" Silence, "If you seriously think you have any power over me, you're fucking delusional! I have never done anything to you and you make it your mission to fuck with me on a daily basis! I don't need this shit! So stop crying and reconsider getting on my bad side because this is the last warning you're going to get."

I leave the house after that, I knew everything would go badly. I just didn't account for Sarah's meddling, it really was dumb to think she would just let things alone. I need to clear my head or talk or calm down. I need to calm down. I glance over to a green house across the way, that's a good place to escape. I'll go see him, in the past he was always there for me when I was sad over something foolish. Maybe he'll still be there for me now, like always. I just hope he's still my escape; I still want him to be my Edd.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N

I'm sorry I didn't notice how fucked this chapter was. That's my fault, I've been busy so here it is fixed. Enjoy!

Chapter 4

EDD's POV

I love the way Saturday was always so calming and after my week I need a rest day. What better way to spend the most relaxing day of the week than in my bed and reading something non-Ed related. I have stopped observing Ed after I realize that maybe my curiosity may offend him. Besides I was becoming so consumed by it I hadn't realized I was actually stalking him. Thinking about how frantic I was to investigate him is both disturbing and endearing looking at it now. I would just talk to him but I don't want to pry plus if I ask the wrong question he'd know that I'd been watching him. UGH! I wish I had the courage to just talk to my old chum, where have I gone wrong!?

DING DONG

That's odd, I'm not expecting any visitors today, who cold that possibly be and this early in the morning too.

DING DONG

I contemplate putting on real clothes but decide against it. Whoever it is knows I'm gay and won't be shock by seeing me in a tank top and short purple shorts. Grabbing my beanie and tucking in all my hair, except my bangs, I head for the door. First I'll apologize for the wait and then invite them in as I'd been taught since childhood. Good plan, I open the door and nearly die as I am face to face with the very boy I'd been stalking. Ed. I have to talk, I have to apologize for the wait, and I have to…he looks upset. Did something happen? Is that why he was here?

"Ed, what brings you by?" at the mention of his name he give me the same look he kept making at his party before speaking.

"I want… I need to talk to someone and you're the only person I thought to come to that would actually listen." He didn't sound dopey at all, still deep but obviously different. Is this how he really sounds? "May I come in?"

"Certainly!" I step aside to let him in and curse myself for getting distracted for my moment, "You can just sit in the living room and I'll get some tea."

ED's POV

Double D goes into the kitchen as I sink into his plastic covered couch and look at the ceiling. It reminds me of when I used to come over and lay on the floor because I was too filthy for plastic couches. I can't help but chuckle at the thought of how unsanitary I used to be, shit. I can't even go a day without a shower now but back then it was like…months I think? Damn I was fucked up as a kid but Eddy and Double D still put up with me. I'm lucky to have them around for me. The clatter on the table snapped me out of my thoughts. Then the squeak of the couch as Double D sits across from me, I don't want sit up yet. I don't want to chicken out after I've already blown my cover.

"What did you want to talk about Ed?" I could hear his concern; it made my chest tighten at how genuine his worry is. I'll start from the beginning.

"I didn't have brain damage when we were kids, I was just damaged. 2 pills before each meal, 3 meals a day, and 21 meals a week, 84 meals a month, and 1008 meals a year that means 2190 pills a year: all this ads up to 21,900 pills in 10 years."

"Good Lord! Why would any physician put a child on such an excessive dosage?" He was angry but I knew it wasn't directed at me but rather my doctor most likely.

"I lost my childhood after the death of my father. My mom told everyone, even Sarah, that it was a car accident that took my Dad and my mind. It was a lie that she made up to make the loss of her husband less painful. The truth is, my Dad wanted out of everything. He hated having to give up his dreams to marry a woman he didn't love, to raise two kids he never wanted, to work at a job he hated, and live with a person he detested. He was miserable I could tell before that night. I just wanted him to love me but I knew he never would. Then one night he came in my room and read me a bed time story, something he never did. I thought maybe he had cared, he said he loved me and left after hugging me. I wanted to him to read me another story so I followed him into his study. He was sitting behind his desk with something in his hand, that I realized later was a gun. As I pushed open the door, he pushed the gun to his chin; as I looked at him, he pulled the trigger; I cried in place, he smiled falling deeper into his chair. My world shattered that day."

"Oh my god… Ed" His voice was cracking, he was crying. It made my chest hurt to think of the discomfort I caused him but I wasn't done yet.

"I became more distant and standoffish after what happened and my Mother was too weak to deal with my grieving. She let a doctor tell me I needed pills to get over it and even out. The side effects were excessive hormones, lessened brain function, and hallucinations." I heard him gasp at that, probably in realizing just how true my story was. "But my mother still felt guilt when she saw me and it was too much for her to handle. So she sent me to Rosewood Academy to give her a break, but her guilt increased while I was away so she got me back three years later. So now I'm back but she didn't know I stopped taking my meds 3 years ago."

"Ed, I don't know what to say. How could your mother lie like that for so many years?" he was irritated now.

"I ask myself that question everyday, Double D."

"Why did you tell me all of this, Ed? Why not keep up the pretence for as long as possible?"

"I don't want to keep lying to everyone, mostly I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm an idiot all the time. It's infuriating pretending like I don't understand the people around me. I'm not stupid and I hate my self for acting like it."

"Ed, open your hands." Double D sounded concerned again and I finally sat up to follow his order. We both look at my hands for a moment. I was clenching my fist so much that my knuckles turned white and my blunt names had torn into my palms. "I expected these but not the bite mark, stay here. I'll be back with the first aid kit."

I just nod as he gets up and I see…purple? Purple booty shorts. For the first time all morning I actually look at Double D through the glass wall between us. At my party I just thought he was skinny but now it's clear that he was a little thicker. He had thin arms and small hands, not odd just delicate, that suited him. His waist dipped in a little as with most skinny guys. All up top was normal it was his lower that fucked me up. He has thick long legs, not ridiculously, just so you could tell he clearly ran a lot. From the perfect curve of his calves to their smooth roundness of his thighs, all of it demands your eyes to follow them all the way up. Of course you bend to their will and your reward is an eye full of the two glorious mounds of marvelously rounded flesh Double D is blessed to call an ass. Wait, what the fuck am I thinking? Double D is a boy, a BOY who has the same name as me. What is wrong with me today? First it's anger, sadness, and now I'm checking out my friend? That's wrong no matter how long it's been since I've had some. He's coming back, play it cool Ed he can't read your mind so he won't know that you checked him out.

"Ed, hold out your hands so I can disinfect them," Double D kneeled in front of me and looked up at me through his eyelashes, I gave him my hands, "Now stay still." No way in hell I can stay quiet and calm when he's knelt between my legs.

"Hey, Double D can I ask you something?" He just grunted but didn't stop working on my hands, "What's with the shorts? Well actually, the whole out fit?" he looked up, very unsure for a moment before he looked back down.

"I sleep in this and didn't see the need to change on a day to relax."

"I meant why they are so tiny, not why you had them on." I didn't care the reason as long as we kept taking.

"They were a gift from my ex, said I should wear thing that show my assets more." They defiantly did that well. Seeing how short they were, Double D plays for the pink team.

"So you're gay?" His voice turned an adorable crimson at the question but then he nodded. He moved away as he finished bandaging my hands. "When did that happen?"

"Around freshman year, Marie and I were dating then, I had started tutoring Kevin and my affection grew for him. After he found out, instead of being disgusted, he was curious and we had sex. It was a one time thing that we both enjoyed very much. Luckily and tragically I found it wasn't just Kevin I responded to, but males with nice builds." He looked away from me and sat down on the chair he'd sat at earlier with a deeper blush, before continuing. "It only confirmed my homosexuality when Marie and I attempted to….copulate. It was a mess and we ended our relationship soon after that."

"You cheated on Marie…with Kevin? I can't believe you'd do something so awful."

"I beg your pardon! Sleeping with a man is-", Shit he was really mad now.

"I meant that you'd be unfaithful." He blushed again and then calmed down.

"Oh…well if you must know, Marie is bisexual so she made me agree that if they are of the same sex then it isn't considered cheating." He visibly shuddered at the thought, "Marie demanded to know who I slept with so I told her he was a football player I'd met at one of Eddy's parties and dismissed the topic. She now tries to find new ways to get back together with me and when she fails I am verbally abuses me. I hate that about her and if I could go back, I'd try to be with her maybe we cou-"

"It wouldn't have worked." Double D was shocked but gave a look of curiosity to my statement, so I continue. "If you and stayed with Marie you would have strayed eventually, because it's in your nature. As soon as you pull towards boys more than girls, you're already doomed. It doesn't matter who your first man was or when it happened but it was going to happen. Staying with Marie to make her happy would only make you miserable in the long run, trust me on that one. Never let go of your happiness for others is the only thing my father taught me that actually stuck."

"So, your father was gay?" I almost laugh at the question before answering.

"No, my mom's just mean. She's is just like Sarah but blonde, my dad was a player who only went out with her to be prom king. Mother took a liking to him and decided to trap him. He hated her because she ruined his life when he was forced to marry her out of obligation." Double D was mad again.

"Excuse my language Ed but, your mother is an evil bitch." This time I do laugh.

"You're gay and cuss? What else did I miss while I was away?" he laughed with me.

"Puberty, my coming out, Marie harassing me, Jimmy's a slut, Sarah is hated by all males, Naz is an attention whore, Eddy's dating a Kanker, and Kevin and I are friends now. That about sums it up, questions, comments, concerns?" we were giggling idiots at this point and my sides hurt, but somehow I found a way to speak.

"3 questions: Slut Jimmy? Hated Sarah? You and Marie's falling out? From what you told me you guys had an open relationship so what happened? Besides the sex thing, obviously." Our laughter had lessened.

"Well, slut Jimmy and Hated Sarah are kind of intertwined. Jimmy got his braces removed last year and many people started to notice his looks without the head gear. Jimmy loved the attention he was getting from both genders and happily indulged in what they had to offer him. Sarah was jealous that boys looked at Jimmy more than her, so she asked Jimmy out to keep others away. He accepted her affections and they went out for 2 months before he wanted out. Sarah threatened him in an attempt to stay together. Jimmy didn't care and dumped her anyway, she told everyone in the school that Jimmy raped her. Jimmy laughed it off saying that 'she was so boring in the bedroom that he only got off by watching porn while fucking her'. No one could believe Sarah would lie like that and now no guy will go within ten feet of her and Jimmy won't even spit in her direction."

"That's what she gets. Now, as for you and Marie?" He just laughed.

"I wouldn't give Marie a name so she decided to sleep with the entire football team in an attempt to get back at me. All she did was break her own rule so I dumped her, but 'no one dumps Marie Kanker'. So she has since dedicated her time to harassing me for being gay, she seems to think she had something to do with it."

"Damn I really did miss a lot." Double D's face changed a little like he was concentrating on something before he practically jumped out of his seat and ran up the stairs. Ok, dafuq just happen? Did I say something wrong?

EDD's POV

I bolted for the stairs before I lost my nerve; Ed came to me and was being completely honest it's only fair that I tell him the truth as well. I went to my desk and got out the notes I'd taken on Ed for the past week. I ran back to the stairs just to catch my foot the carpet at the top of the steps and fall, oh dear! This is going to hurt, a lot, how embarrassing to fall and die before I can come clean with Ed. OW! I defiantly hit something hard but it's not the floor.

"Double D, are you alright?" Ed, this is what Ed feels like now. Huge ropes of heated granet stacked into a human shape. He so comfortable, I could live in this heat. "Double D?"

Right, he caught me. "I'm alright, I just lost my footing. This is why running in the house isn't permitted." His grip loosened and I looked at him, his eyes where soft and as the worry left his features. His lips spread into a small smile that had his face look all the more kissable as my hormones continue to cloud my mind while he holds me.

"Double D, you sure you're alright? You keep zoning out." Damn, I can't believe I let this happen.

"Yes, I'm fine. Let's go to the living room, I have something I have to tell you. It might be best if you sit." He nodded and put me down much to my dismay, before we left the staircase. Taking a deep breath I handed him my notebook. The anxiety of his possible scrutiny was unbearable but this is what I get for "observing him without his consent. All I can do now is watch as his brows crease in concentration and hope my curiosity won't be my own undoing.

"You've been watching me? Why?" His tone wasn't anger more like disbelief, releasing the breath I didn't know I'd been holding I answer him.

"I noticed how your expression keep changing before you spoke at your welcome home party. Like you were thinking of what to say that would fit the situation, I didn't know how to ask you about it so I began to study you. I stopped when I realized I was stalking you and I didn't want to upset you." Ed was calm as he kept reading my notes, before he spoke.

"I go to Eddy's to dispose of my pills." Huh? "In your notes, you put question marks around what I give him. It's my pills." Oh that.

"Ed, you're not… angry with me?" He finally looked at me again, under his emerald gaze I couldn't move, this new Ed was so much more enticing than before.

"No, I'm actually touched that you were so concerned that you did all this. Thanks Double D." His smile was so bright, this interesting Ed could very well be my own undoing. At the moment through Ed has more to worry about than me and my nosy habit.

"What happens now?" He gave me the same searching look he'd had at his party. I know what he was looking for and maybe a part of me knew that at some point this nice break from reality would end for him and he'd had to face his mother and all her rage. I just don't want too, and from the look in his eyes, neither does he.

"Let's invite Eddy over and hang out for a while." The smile that spread on his features was sad but I agreed none the less. A few more moments of joy before leaving would be good for him.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N  
Been super busy lately but finally finished this chapter! Hope you like it  
Chapter 5  
ED'S POV  
I'm probably the unluckiest bastard in the world who has the best friends a man could ask for. Double D reacted well but Eddy's reaction was hilarious, I've never heard anyone cuss so much in one evening and now, as much as it pains me, I have to go home. I take the long way by just staying on the sidewalk instead of just crossing the street. No matter how slow I walk this ugly green door still stares me in the face and I still don't want to open it. As the General always said, "man has to face his problems head on", I grip the knob and turn slowly.  
"Oh Edward, so nice to see you again." This voice, this fucking voice I hate this fucking sound. Dr. Maria Quinn, the devil in a white coat. With her big eyes, sickly skinny frame, and boney hands she reminds me of a praying mantis. I hate this bitch with a bloody fucking passion, and I think the feeling is mutual.  
"Ed come sit down. I called over Dr. Quinn to help us with our little problem." Leave it to mother to try making the same mistake twice. I shuffled into the house and sat quietly waiting for them to give me a good motive to commit a 187.  
"Now Ed, you mother tells me that you have decided to stop your medication and have been acting out lately. Would you like to talk about the things that bother you?" Even her concern sounded like a chattering insect.  
"No." My mother made a face that could only be described as complete disapproval while Quinn stayed observant and detached. As usual for Dr. Quinn,  
"Now surely you have something to say, frankly this defia -"  
"Frankly, we need a psychiatrist not a neurologist." Shocked crossed my mother while Quinn thought of how best to eat her next mate.  
"Now Edward as I understand your hostility I will not take any more of your insults. This is a safe place and you need to always know that."  
"I need you to also understand I am by no means a child and would prefer to not be talked down upon like one. So get to the point of your visit, it's been a long day and I don't have the patience for this run-around bullshit." Quinn's eyes only widened before she sneered showing off what years of living off coffee and cigarettes does to your teeth.  
"Your mother and I were discussing treatment options to help sway your recent outburst." I just look at my pathetic excuse of a parent in disbelief that this bitch is serious. "I can understand your reluctance on this matter but your mother simply wants you to have a functional and productive life."  
"By turning me into a drooling idiot? As well as that worked last time, I'm forced to decline on the grounds that we need therapy not medication." Mother looks pissed but Quinn actually looks amused. I swear this evil bitch masturbates over puppy corpses.  
"Please Edward do go on as to how you know what you need more than a medical professional." If her tone was any more condescending and pretentious Donald Trump would sue her for taking his stick.  
"Does it matter what I say? All you're going to do is exadurated notes and make out prescriptions that will turn my brain into toast while you say 'it's all for the best'. You don't care about that do you Quinn? You don't give a shit about me or my family, all you care about is ruining people's lives with excessive medications. The pleasure you must get from knowing you're slowing killing someone so doped up they don't notice that they're dying. I bet it turns you on doesn't it you sadistic bitch?" Her eyes widened as much as her smile did, I was right but she still probably wouldn't admit it, not at loud at least.  
"Well your insults aside, I believe I must go." She turned to my mother, "Mrs. Small in my medical opinion, your son suffers from unresolved anger and repression."  
"What does that mean for us doctor?" Mom asks sounding triumphant that Quinn found something to give me medication for.  
"Therapy. Mrs. Small, your son needs therapy." Quinn gets up to leave while my mother sits looking bewildered. "Edward walk me out."  
"Fine." I walk evil to the door but her grip on my arm doesn't subside until we reach her white van. "Why am I out here?"  
"I want to speak with you in private. First off your mother plans to have you institutionalized if you refuse medication. My advice is get the hell away from her if you want any chance at a normal life." Why the fuck is she telling me this shit? "I'm only telling you this because your current mental state amuses me and I'd not like to see it locked away so soon." This bitch psychic or maybe I was wrong about Dr. Quinn maybe she is a good doctor who genuinely wants to help people. "Second you were right about your analysis of me, there is a joy I get from ruining people's lives and so long as you keep that knowledge to yourself I won't write you any nasty prescriptions."  
I take it all back this bitch evil.  
"My lips are sealed Quinn." She gets into her rape mobile and drives off leaving me to think.  
Once back inside the house my mother doesn't say anything, she doesn't even look at me. Things are only going to get worse from here. Fabulous. On the bright side I still have my friends ad school starts in week, hopefully Quinn was just fucking with me about mom trying to send me away again. Hopefully.  
EDD'S POV  
Lying in bed enjoying the cool sheets on my skin, the night is unusually hot and despite being totally nude the temperature continues to affect me. A cool breeze from my open window helps alleviate the harsh burning air. Since I never leave my window open, no matter how hot, and my bed shifts with added weight I finally open my eyes to gaze at my evening visitor. Red hair on top the silhouette of an all too familiar figure. I know what he wants even before he pulls down the sheet. The heat already assaulting me only fuels the lust while my visitor spreads my legs and preps me. He says nothing as he takes my member into his mouth, and I hold in my moans for fear of waking my parents as would most teenagers when sex is the subject matter. He pulls away from me when I'm just about to cum, to remove his own clothing, I'm not complaining his body is gorgeous rippling perfection, I could probably cum just at his abs. Then again there is his dick, hanging like a metal pole between well sculpted thighs. My visitor grabs my legs and pulls me closer to him as the head of his cock probes my entrance. He hovers above me; I can feel his eyes searching for permission to continue that I happily give with a nod as he sinks into me. My moans spill out like a bucket of water as I'm ravished by this man, his thrust are long and deliberate as he abuses my inner most parts. I'm so close, sitting up I commence to ride my new friend as we share a kiss. His rough; firm lips feel euphoric against my own compelling my thrust down unto him to quicken. Our moans build into a song as I'm filled with the essence of my own personal sex god.  
"Looks Like I came first huh, Double D?" I go over the edge as I realized that my visitor isn't Kevin its-  
I wake up in a start and a cold sweat. I look into my pajama pants and come face to face with the all too familiar white substance that follows my nocturnal endeavors. My mind racing in a million directions as I enter the warm spray of a hot shower to help clean my shame. This only serves to confirm my fears, I've had a wet dream about Ed. My friend who was away for three years, my friend who had a traumatic childhood, my friend who was forced to take medication for a decade, my lovable newly intelligent friend fucking me deep into a mid-summer's(more like early fall at this point) night dream? My bes- my phone is ringing,  
"Eddward speaking."  
"Calm the fuck down Double D." wait what, I look at the phone in my hand just to make sure I'm holding a phone and speaking with someone for fear that I'm losing my mind.  
"Eddy what are you talking about?"  
"Come on now Double D, we synced periods like two years ago. Stop pretending like you're new to the sisterhood between us." How I wish he wouldn't make jokes like that, "Seriously though I had a dream about Lee giving me head and right when I was about to blow you, popped up with that 'Eddy-I-Need-advice-about-something-dirty' look." Good Lord! This man has no shame, I'm fresh out the shower and he has managed to make me feel dirtier than before, "I woke up screaming and figured I should wake you as pay back for fucking up my wet dream but by some fucking wizardry you're already awake."  
I suppose it couldn't hurt to tell him. "I've suffered from a nocturnal emission headlining our dear Ed and I amid coition."  
"English mother fucker. Speak American, communist hating, three generation lived in the same house fucking English. The only thing I got from all that educated shit fest was Ed." Forgot who I was talking to.  
"I had a…wet dream." That feels so dirty.  
"What does that shit have to do with- OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU SLUTTY BITCH! You raped Ed!" Dammit Eddy why must you be so brazen. "Our poor virgin brother!"  
"I thought it was Kevin up until the last moment when he spoke."  
"WHORE!"  
"DAMMIT EDDY HELP ME!" I hate to curse but Eddy always brings it out of me.  
"Ok, ok don't sweat it. It's just a 'welcome back' boner." This day just keeps getting more and more confusing. "Before you ask a 'welcome back' boner is just like that 'absence makes the heart grow hornier' or some shit. It's like how you haven't seen someone for a while and then when you see how much they've change since last time you were around them you want to fuck them. It is a totally normal thing to go through bro." this sounds like an 'Eddy Only' thing.  
"So you're saying that my feelings for Ed will pass?"  
"No, I'm saying wanting to fuck him like a cock whore during a French summer will pass. You are balls deep in love with Ed."  
"What in the actual fuck are you talking about you, elaborate?" Eddy always brings out this side of me, it's ugly but it gets him to tell me what I want to know and right now I need a second opinion on my current condition.  
"LEE! I GOT HIM TO SAY FUCK, FORK IT OVER SUGAR TITS…you know Double even if we aren't scamming anymore you still make me a fuck ton of money with that purty mouth of yours."  
"Nice to know I'm still profitable. Now if you'd kindly get back on target and help me with my problem."  
"Love ain't ever a problem Double D, I could tell at the welcome back party you feel more for Ed than you do for me. Which is fine 'cause I ain't with that gay shit and my girlfriend would kick your ass." I don't doubt that in the least, she is dating a drug dealer after all. "You were crying like a bitch when you saw him and you gave him fucking jewelry as a present like a symbol of who he belongs to or some shit. Then there was that shit last week when we all hung out at your place after Ed had that fight with his mom and you fucking stalked him. You were grinning like just like Lee does when we go on dates, like she is showing off what she has to everyone around us. Its fucking adorable as shit." They're so cute together, unlikely but cute. "Anyway the wet dream just confirms it. You think about him and now you dream. When a man's mind and dick agree on something it's meant to fucking be."  
"So I'm in love? Shouldn't just be 'like' at this stage?"  
"Sweet fuck smart people sure are fucking slow when it comes to shit like this. If it was Kevin it would be 'like'. This is an Ed we're talking about we've known each since we all moved to this fucking circle, that shit runs deep. I would go to war for you two fuck heads in a heartbeat and I know you two would too. That type of bond is already stronger than 'like' already so why would it become that now?" he has a point, "Nah you love him 'cause that's the only thing that could make the Eds closer."  
"I hate it when you're right. What do I do know?"  
"Get your shit together and when the time comes call me. I wanna hear all about this shit."  
"Thank you Eddy. You may not always be around but you're here when I need you."  
"No shit, you're my best friend dipshit, I'll always be here for you. I love you man…SHUT THE FUCK UP LEE ITS NOT GAY, ITS BRO STUFF… if you tell anyone, Double D, that I'll kick your scrawny ass." Some things just never change, that's my Eddy.  
"I love you too. Tell Lee I say hi."  
"Sure, bye."  
So it seems I'm in love with Ed, if Eddy could catch on then it's way too obvious. If I stay away from him I should be able to relax a bit, in order to act normal during school however is a bridge I'd rather not cross anytime soon. Right! so just stay away from him, that's do-able.  
DING DONG  
Thank god Mother is home sooner than expected, sweats and a t-shirt should be fine. I wonder how the conference went. She'll know what to do about the Ed situation, I have rather missed our 'girl time' as she puts it. I welcome her return, how I've missed something none Ed relat-  
"Hi Double D, can I come in?"  
"Fuck."


End file.
